Mother of 3

I'm sitting at my desk watching the sun rise.  There's a crispness to the morning that suggests fall is just around the corner.  The summer was full of change as we worked to prepare our home for a new addition.   Chase and I are now the parents of a teenager.  When I spoke of our plans to adopt a teenager through foster care, I had a few people glance at me with surprise and confusion.   Perhaps we are a special kind of crazy. I've spent a great deal of time examining my motives.  Why?  Our life was comfortable, pleasant, and routine... Why disrupt it all?   As cliche as it may sound, I felt God called my family to do this.   He is good.  He has been good to my family.  He has given us so much, and loved us so abundantly.  How can I not give back?

Today was her first day of school.  So many new things.   New home.  New family.  New school.  New therapist.  New expectations.  New faith.  New hope.   I can't help but be a little nervous about her first day at school.  I hope and pray she will make good friends who will encourage her and hold her accountable.  I pray she will learn what it is to belong and not just "fit in." I pray that her faith will grow.  I pray that I will have and recognize opportunities to serve and love, and that I can be a small part of her learning to trust. 

Back To School Declutter Challenge

Who else feels like a hot mess during this back to school season?  We certainly fit with that description!  We are back to school with our new daughter who is settling in her new home, new school, new friends, new church, and new life.   The days feel overwhelming as I struggle to keep the laundry and dishes from taking over the house while also keeping my children fed and safe.   I’m exhausted at the end of each day.  Having less clutter and less to care for seems like it would help.  I crave a more simple life and home.   How does a clutter bug such as myself get to a point of clutter-free zen?  I truly have no idea, but I’m going to keep striving!  Bonus challenge: weigh or count all the stuff you get rid of!   To help out, I made this hideously ugly printable calendar with a retro feel.. I was too lazy to make one for the rest of August...so here's September. 

August

26 – Kids clothing – My kids tend to wear the same outfits over and over.  Why do I even keep the rest?   Today I plan on going through my kids’ clothing and donating what they don’t wear.  That “Does it spark joy?” line of thinking gets me in trouble…so I’m going to ask myself “Does it all fit in the designated space?”  I’ll start with taking everything out Marie-Kondo style, then putting my favorites in first.  Whatever doesn’t fit at the end goes.  Simple.  Brutal.  Effective.  We’ll see how this pans out.  I’m going to use this strategy for all my decluttering challenges. 

27.  Kid’s Shoes – they are piled up in the door, out in the garden, between car seats… Time to change this!

28.  Summer Toys – I think it may be time to put the inflatable pool away…also all the plastic junk that’s accumulated in the back yard!  I’m ready for coffee in the crisp autumn air before my kids wake up! 

29.   Shredded Paper.   Oh, Lord.  I pray he’ll help me with this.  I have paper in every corner of the house…  I’ll never have time to sit and shred it all so I plan on using a shredding service to help!

30.  Make a chore list.  Mama shouldn’t have to do all this alone, right?   I think it’s well past time we sit down as a family and dole out some responsibility! 

31.   Donation time.  All the crap from the week of decluttering needs to go.  So gather up the donations, recycling, papers to shred and get out of the house!

September

1. Set up a recycling center.  Plastic, glass, cardboard, markers, donations, batteries can all be recycled or reused.
2.   Notebooks/notes/binders – I have a bad habit of writing on the first page of a notebook and then forgetting about it.   There are probably dozens of half-filled notebooks scattered about the house.  I also have the notes from conferences/bible studies/parenting classes scattered around too.     So I’m going to tear apart the notebooks, recycle and reuse what I can! 
3.  Markers – So many dried up markers…they multiplied like rabbits!  Gather up the markers, test them, then RECYCLE them!  Crayola has a marker recycling program.
4.      Pencils/ Pens – Same as the markers…but with the rest of the writing utensils
5.       Erasers, staplers, whole punches, and other office supplies – Gather it, sort it, keep it, toss it.
6.      Lunch box gear – Leaky cold packs? Mismatched Tupperware?  Toss it!
7.       15 minute donate dash – Get your kids involved on this one!  Grab a box, set the timer, and GO!  Just go wherever and do a mad 15 minute donate dash.  Now put it in the car along with the other donations and take it out of the house.
8.       Gratitude Day.    If there was a day you missed, here’s your day to catch up.  I’ll also be using this day to pray that I can create a safe haven for my family, thank God for all his blessings, and set aside my to-do list to actually rest.  Not a Christian?  I challenge you to reflect on your motivation for a clutter free house, write a family gratitude list, and enjoy time with your family
9.        Cars – Gather up all the trash out of the cars, and take in the stuff that should be in the house.
10.    Cars – gather my insurance, registration, and maintenance logs and put them where they should go.   
11.    Kids’ Artwork – I plan on taking pictures of my favorite pieces for a photo album, then recycling the art! 
12.    Kids’ flat surfaces – How bad are the flat surfaces in your kids’ rooms?  If they are like mine they are bad…
13.    Under Kids’ beds – Who knows what’s under there?
14.    15 minute donate dash – Get your kids involved on this one!  Grab a box, set the timer, and GO!  Just go wherever and do a mad 15 minute donate dash.  Now put it in the car along with the other donations and take it out of the house.
15. 15.   Gratitude Day.    If there was a day you missed, here’s your day to catch up.  I’ll also be using this day to pray that I can create a safe haven for my family, thank God for all his blessings, and set aside my to-do list to actually rest.  Not a Christian?  I challenge you to reflect on your motivation for a clutter free house, write a family gratitude list, and enjoy time with your family without worry today! 
16.   Backpacks/purses/bags – Geeze, I didn’t know there were more in my attic!  Get rid of the excess.
17.   Books – Children books.  There are a few I hate reading and a few my kids hate too.  Let em go!
18.    Books – Nonfiction.  I have so many books on housecleaning and decluttering.  Let’s face it…I’m never going to open them.  Goodbye!
19.    Books – fiction.   I liked this book when I was 12… and I’m never going to read it again.  Let it go! 
20.    Bookshelves – what random junk is on the bookshelves? Oh! Here’s my nail polish...and my purse…and the electricity statement…
21.    15 minute donate dash.  Set the timer and gather all the donations, trash, and recyclables you can find.  Then load it up and haul it out!
22.     Gratitude Day – If I appreciated what I have, I wouldn’t be so inclined to get more.  So we are spending today practicing gratitude. 
23.    Sports equipment – Not into soccer anymore?  Declutter!
24.    Cosmetics – are there empty bottles of shampoo? Expired makeup? A million bath and body work body sprays? 
25.    Electronics – Game cartridges you no longer have the console for, old nonfunctional consoles, old screens, old tvs, and whatever other electronics are sitting around doing nothing.
26.    Gloves, scarves, and hats  - fall is here!  Let’s get ready for it
27.    Blankets – They are piled up in my closets, under my couch cushions, and anywhere else I can shove them.  Maybe it’s time to part with a few.
28.    15 minute donate dash – Get your kids involved on this one!  Grab a box, set the timer, and GO!  Just go wherever and do a mad 15 minute donate dash.  Now put it in the car along with the other donations and take it out of the house.
29.    Gratitude Day
30.    Plastic bags – I save plastic grocery bags to reuse or recycle.  They’ve taken over like tribbles on a starship.  Gather them up and take them to a recycling center (Walmart for us). 

Phew!  If you made it this far, congrats!  How many bags or pounds did you get rid of? 

Bar Shampoo!

Our oceans are inundated with plastics. Our Earth is choking on trash. The time has come to make changes. It’s clear our government doesn’t value saving the planet for the next generation. So it’s up to us…collective individuals working together to make better decisions. If money drives this world, by choosing what we spend money on can make a difference. This year, I am focusing on reducing plastics. With every purchase, I ask myself “Is there a plastic free alternative?” While I know I can’t change my family’s practices all in one go, I can make steady progress!

I’m starting with shampoo bottles and soap. This will be easy to change! “Humans have made 8.3 billion tons of plastic” and “Around 60 percent of all the plastics we’ve ever made are on the planet somewhere.”(1) Have you thought about what it means to “throw away” something? Where does it go? Where is this “away” place our trash goes? “Once at sea, plastic breaks down into smaller pieces, but it still doesn’t really go “away”. Some sinks to the ocean floor, some washes up on beaches and some is eaten by fish and other animals, and makes its way back to us in our seafood. A plastic bottle can take hundreds of years to degrade, whereas a long-lasting coconut fiber degrades in just twenty years, an orange peel in six months and brown paper in only a few weeks.” (2)

WE HAVE TO MAKE A CHANGE!

Did you know you can purchase shampoo in bar soap form? No plastic bottle. No packaging. I found Lush by searching online for a company with values aligned with mine: limited plastic, sustainable ingredients, ethical buying practices, kind to animals. Their shampoo bars are packaged with all paper (ie, fully recyclable) and biodegradable materials. (note: I’m not affiliated with them at all, and this blog is not monetized). I got my first order of Lush bar shampoo in today. I ordered the Godiva shampoo bar and it smells wonderful! It came in a cardboard box packed with peanuts. At first I thought “Oh no! I don’t want peanut packaging!” Then, I noticed that the texture felt different so I plopped one in a cup of water. It dissolved immediately so apparently they are not plastic! One bar of soap can last for 3 bottles of shampoo.  I’m excited to make this change, and so far I love it!  

 For now, I plan to be an eco-warrior with my clean hair and bottle-less bathroom.  Nobody can do everything, but everyone can do something! I urge you all… to be mindful of what you buy.   Together we can change the world… by caring, learning, and making eco-friendly decisions. Let’s start now! I challenge you to pick 1 thing to reduce your plastic waste.

1. https://www.pbs.org/newshour/science/humans-made-8-3-billion-tons-plastic-go 
2. https://www.lushusa.com/story?cid=article_there-is-no-away

Future Changes to my Household Buying

• No plastic shopping bags
• Use a local dairy for milk in a reusable glass
• Glass deodorant or bar deodorant?
• toothpaste tabs?  
• Bamboo toothbrushes or at least recyclable heads for our Oral-B electric brush

My goal is to produce so little waste that we can cancel our garbage service.  Phase 2 will be researching what farming practices hurt the bees the most.  Then we'll try to make informed decisions about what produce to buy.   Make steady progress!

No one can do everything, but everyone can do something!

Peace and Love, y'all

2. Formulate a Debt Strategy

I’ve scoured the internet and books for a magic debt formula, and frankly…there’s not one.  I was able to categorize the advice into 2 main strategies:

A.      Strategy 1:  Pay as little as possible on debts through Income driven repayment (IDR) like IBR, PAYE, REPAYE.  You can go to the VIN foundation to plug your loan values in to see which results in the smallest cost.  This enables you to save more for retirement, and hopefully not just buy the latest and greatest phone. 

–       Pros: Save more money, might pay less on loans over lifetime, better lifestyle at the beginning of your career

–       Cons: gambling on forgiveness,  might have a huge tax bill at the end of forgiveness, might pay more on loans than a focused approach, live with the emotional burden of debt longer

–       ONLY a good choice if you can save money!  GREAT choice if you are planning a career of Public Service as you may qualify for public service loan forgiveness after 10 years of qualified work (if government keeps the PSLF program).

–       Tony Bartels is a proponent of strategy on the Vin Foundation

–       You can go on VIN and use the Student Debt Calculator (even if you are not a VIN member) to evaluate the cost of the different plans (IBR, PAYE, REPAYE)

•        https://www.vin.com/studentdebtcenter/

–       NOTE:  If this is your strategy, it makes more financial sense to invest extra money rather than throw it at loans.  If your income dramatically increases to the point it looks like you might actually pay off the loans, it may warrant re-evaluation of your debt strategy.  

2. Strategy 2:  Pay as much as possible on loans, save after you pay them off. 

–       Pros: get to “financial freedom” faster, can invest more of your income after debts are paid, if paid off with “gazelle intensity” may pay less interest over life of loan

–       Cons: delays saving for retirement, hard to make ends meet and have a family

–       Dave Ramsey promotes this via the “Debt Snowball,” a strategy that involves paying down the smallest debts first to get motivated.   As you pay off each debt, you apply the payments to the next loan.   He also recommends delaying saving for retirement until debts are paid.   (https://www.daveramsey.com/dave-ramsey-7-baby-steps)  The White Coat Investor  - Unless doing PSLF or loans with interest 1-3% (not your typical federal loans), goal is paying off student loans within 5 years.  “Live like a resident” for the first few years as an attending.

Consider when making a plan:

·        Does the thought of your loans growing every month for 20+ years cause you stress?

·        Are you able to trust that “forgiveness” will actually occur?  Or do you think our government will end IDR and forgiveness?

·        Are you disciplined enough to save for the tax burden at the end of the forgiveness?

·        Does the feeling of carrying debt make you crazy?

·        If paying off loans, will you still contribute to employer matched retirement plans (aka free money)?

·        If you commit to paying it off, and life throws you a BIG curveball, will you be able to switch payment plans later?  If you switch plans, it risks your interest capitalizing (ie, interest added to the principal to increase the future interest) and the payment countdown restarting to the new plan. 

·        IDR plans must be renewed yearly with the loan servicer.   If you lapse utilize forbearance the interest may compound!  If you have something unexpected (like job loss), consider having servicer recalculate your payment instead of applying for forbearance!  Your IDR payment could be 0 if your income is low enough!  Capitalization of loans depends on the individual type of payment plan you are on (IBR, PAYE, REPAE).  If you are considering one of these plans, it warrants further research to make sure you understand what you are getting into!

Consolidation

–       Combines several student/parent loans into one bigger loan.  “The interest rate on a consolidation loan is the weighted average of the interest rates on the loans being consolidated, rounded up to the nearest 1/8 of a percent.” (http://www.finaid.org/loans/consolidation.phtml)

–       Pros:  one payment to one lender.  If you don’t already qualify, this can provide access to repayment plans other than the standard 10 year.

–       Cons: your overall interest rate may be higher! For my vet school loans, consolidation was of no benefit as all my loans have the same servicer and same interest rate. 

15 things I learned from The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown

I woke up this morning to bright, spring sunlight streaming through the living room windows.   The shrilling, repetitive call of a cardinal sang outside.  A pair of them seem to be making a next outside of our window near the front bird feeder.  Sleep eluded me last night.  When my 2 year old son woke up, crawled into bed, and snuggled in his usual spot between Chase and I; I waited until he fell asleep before wandering down the hall.  My thoughts centered on a quote in The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.”- Theodore Roosevelt 

What is my arena?  What is my purpose?  I long to dare greatly, but I find myself unable to decide on an arena to dive into.  What a conundrum:  to be a goal-getter devoid of career oriented goals.  But maybe that's ok.   Although I grapple with the truth of my self-value, the truth remains:  my role as a mother and a wife are important.  What could be more important than raising children who love God?  Children who will dare greatly? Children who love others?
 Brene Brown refers to midlife and any other periods of great change (such as marriage, becoming a parent, retiring, moving, recovery, working in a soul-sucking job) as “great unraveling journeys.”
“The unraveling is a time when you are challenged by the universe to let go of who you think you are supposed to be and to embrace who you are.” 


I am on one of these journeys now.

Here are things I learned from The Gifts of Imperfection

• I am enough.  My value is not found in what I do or what I left undone.
• We all have “shame gremlins” that whisper or shout “not enough.”  There is power in naming and recognizing them.  I have shame gremlins that tell me I’m not enough as a mom… my house isn’t cleaning enough…I’m not thin enough…not smart enough…not a good veterinarian..  Sometimes they whisper in terms of comparisons…I wish I could write like her, look like her, or be as smart as her…
• When you recognize a shame attack, reach out to a confidant, a loyal, empathetic friend.  I am blessed to have 3 such friends who love me and my battles with insecurity.
• Boundaries are not mean.  They are necessary and part of being compassionate.  Is it better to constantly yell at my children and give in to frustration?  Or is it better to mean what I say and enforce boundaries the first time? Is it better to berate and belittle employees in an effort to get them to perform better? Or to set clear expectations and consequences then stick with them?  “How would our lives be different if there were less anger and more accountability? What would our work and home lives look like if we blamed less but had more respect for boundaries?” 
•  Fitting in is counterproductive in seeking true belonging and connection.  I don’t have  to keep up with the Jones's.  My 30 year old, dilapidated couch is just fine… or maybe it does need to be replaced because I hate it… not because I need to keep up appearances!
•    We cannot avoid shame, but we can develop resilience to it: “the ability to recognize shame, to move through it constructively while maintaining worthiness and authenticity and to ultimately develop more courage, compassion, and connection.”
• Secrecy, silence, and judgment are fertilizers for shame.
•  I long for the authentic life.  That is, I want to let go of who I think I should be, and simply embrace who I am…Of who God created me to be.  Keep it real, y’all! 
• We need to believe in something bigger than ourselves (Brené defines this as spirituality).  I find this need in my faith in God. 
•   Numbing is a behavior we engage in to not think, be it drinking, gaming, binge tv, or surfing Facebook.  Numbing blocks us from growing and facing vulnerability.    Wholehearted are “mindful about numbing behaviors” and try “to lean into the discomfort of hard emotions”
• Fear of loss or scarcity can inhibit feelings of profound joy. “The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it.  It’s our fear of the dark that cast our joy into the shadows.”  It is enough to be home and present with my children. I will strive to spend less time worrying and more time playing with them!
• Comparison is the thief of joy.
• When someone asks me “What do you do?” I don’t have to be just one thing.  I am a mother, a wife, a Christian, a watercolorist, a veterinarian, an instructor, and so much more!  I’m not bound by 1 title.  And that’s OK. I refuse to be defined by a single career.
•    Play and rest have value! It’s healthy to sit down, drink my coffee, and watch the birds with no goals other to enjoy the moment.  Perhaps that’s even better for me than a perfectly clean house.  This fits in with the concept of Sabbath.  We were created to have rest. 
•  Wholeheartedness is a journey, and it’s ok to not know the destination.  I will trust in the journey. 

I highly recommend reading The Gifts of Imperfection for yourself.  Join me on this journey to wholeheartedness. 

Peace and love, y’all!